Abomination Foundry: The Last Horror Icons
YEP, We’re doing horror movies now! Because when you’re a sleazy fucker in need of a quick buck, what better way is there with a bunch of monster stuff?! Just ask Roger Corman and Charles Band And, as luck would have it, I have a copy of the free human-body-alteration program Makehuman, with multiple modifications, for the purpose of making such things in CGI! It only works on humans, but I have created several of my own personal Targets to alter things, and still it is ideal for my purposes! The human form is ideal for exploring the artistic frontiers of the Uncanny Valley, and CGI has its own unuque aspects as a medium that have yet to be explored… HAHAHA, just kidding! We’re using CGI because it’s cheap as fuck and MakeHuman because our market researchers said nothing gets popular unless it has a horrible nightmarish man-face! Because that’s what people really buy merch of, mockeries of the human visage on weightless jiggling abominations! Let’s begin! Boglins: The Movie First of all, I started simple, with a “licensed” property. And by “licensed” we mean @timclarketoys won’t return our calls but we’re pitching it anyway, here is Boglins: The Movie! Because, Gremlins ripoffs are cheap, 80s revivals make money, and this is gonna be the best big-screen waking-nightmare of both since Garbage Pail Kids! We had to make a few adjustments for the modern day though. The new Boglin is designed like a realistic organism, which means removing and/or downplaying everything that makes it unique and fun, because it’s the industry standard for unimaginative hacks. Just look at how much work Neville Paige gets! And it’s gotta be brown, real is brown after all! In the case that Tim Clarke does tell us/throw a giant brick through our window reading NO, then ignore all the above, these are a totally new and original species called Nilgobs, do not steal, PLEASE DON’T SUE US TIM! Xenolycanmorphthrope And next, we gotta take on another demographic of movie monster, the Alien Ripoff. But, since alien ripoffs are the Industry Standard now, we gotta go attract another demographic, one that has wads of cash to spend and will have a nigh-on sexual attraction to whatever nightmare we pull out. Thusly: Furries. Meet the Xenolycanmorphthrope, the deadliest, most erotic killing machine mutated by black goo from a script that’s written by someone who’s not Damon Lindelof, and thusly is automatically better than the other black goo! Eat your fucking heart out Species! The decision to have thirty minutes of deeply-erotic transformation scenes in an hour and a half film is a controversial one to be sure, as is the plot we totally did not steal from questionably-moraled furry pornographic series New Found Form, the use of Tate-Fairchild Syndrome was just a coincidence, please stop trying to sue us Hellkat-person. Lankyclown MOVING SWIFTLY AWAY FROM THE LAND OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, you know what’s not copyrighted that people hate? Tall people. Slender Man, Phantasm, The Enigma of Amigara Fault, The BFG, Godzilla, people hate tall people! And you know what the marketing department tells us everyone hates, so we believe them? Clowns. Thusly, Lankyclown was born! Witness the horror of him standing next to you! Clowning at you! And not much else! But really, isn’t the greatest horror of them all that something horrible might happen, no matter how unimaginitive and stock the threat is? That’s what film academia tells me when they’re not pepper-spraying me for touching their elbow patches! The Mother of Clay This creature is a god half formed who is the birther of monsters, The Mother Of Clay from which all nightmares spring, more victim than villain, selling herself to a sinister corporation in the hopes of becoming the pure thing she was meant… Wait, did an original; creative idea sneak through?! For sure that’s unmarketable, it’s too new; too weird, the marketers will eat my entrails! NEXT! Survival Horror Survival Horror 1.png Survival Horror 2.png Here we have a creature called Survival Horror, based on the scientifically determined hip and rad survival horror aesthetic, with the putrescence of gore photos combined with unique and original ideas stolen from the Japanese! What does it do? What’s its story? Who cares! It’s probably a Satan or something and it brown and grimy and makes loud noises and music cues when it jumps at you! THAT’S WHAT HORROR’S ALL ABOUT! Mecha Xenolycanmorphthrope And, we have to have sequel potential! Because like Bellopheron upon the Pegasus, we aim high! And, the marketers have consulted their pig entrails to determine that the most franchisable is the Xenolycanmorphthrope. And what’s better for a franchise than a cheap mechanical knockoff of another knockoff and having a bootleg fight? Well, it worked for the Asylum! Mecha Xenolycanmorphthrope 1.png Mecha Xenolycanmorphthrope 2.png And, thusly, we have Mecha Xenolycanmorphthrope, the Xenolycanmorphthrope for the DARK and EDGY post-9/11 world! Old vs New, whoever wins, we lose! Except for not really because Mecha Xenolycanthrope is the unambiguous “good gal” of this crossover. And, yet again, we dare to push boundaries by including a thirty-minute-long sex scene between the Xenolycanmorphthrope and the Mecha Xenolycanmorphthrope. Some may call it “the male gaze” and “go back to Furafinity you fucking pervert,” but you know what I call it? AMERICA! Title TBD And, as a finale, you know what everyone hates? Babies. And, with the creature known only as Title TBD, we have thusly determined that we must try our best to- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, KILL IT, KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE, WHO PUT THIS IN THE IMAGE FOLDER HOLY FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Anyway, we are sure these creations will live in the hearts and nightmares of millions; forever. Or at least of stoners watching the SyFy Channel. We’ll probably do a sequel when the money runs low. Author Notes Putting Kayfabe aside, HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y'ALL! I wanted to do something special, and thusly, 3D models! These models’ll be avaliable soon, under a CC-BY License, rigged and everything, in a Dropbox folder! Even with that aside, all of these creatures are free to use as long as I, Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator when you do so. Aside from Boglins, which is the sole property of @timclarketoys, who is selling new; pretty neat ones on his website which you should totally buy. Not sure of the copyrightability of Nilgobs tho, I hope the name’s okay with him as an Open Species, probably as the equivalent of how knockoff Madballs are called Sadballs. I wish there were enough Boglin knockoffs for that to be a thing… Category:Abomination foundry